Dear Side Chick,



Ladies, can we please come together and figure out exactly what the hell is going on with side chicks and non-validated women altogether? As a Relationship Coach I want to see women win. I need women to want more for themselves. My work in this world is to help women see that they are enough and they do deserve it all. BUT, as a woman; titles, purpose and service aside, I’m pissed the hell off that women aren’t respecting themselves enough to know when it’s time to say NO MORE. No more will I be your side chick, your night time piece, your bench warmer, booty call or anything else that does not honor who I am.

I am truly sorry that you have grown up not believing that you were worth so much and deserve the world. I hate that your understanding of love has everything to do with what a man thinks, says and does to you and nothing to do with what God says about you. I am so angry that you were not validated from the moment you entered this world. I hate that you’ve found attention, love and acceptance in the sheets of a man who cares nothing about your mind, body, spirit or soul. I hate that you’ve never been held without motives.

You are a woman who deserves a love that is not conditional. You deserve to be introduced to the family and your picture as his screen saver, not locked away in a photo vault app. You deserve to introduce the love of your life to your friends and family and to be treated with respect. You deserve to receive text messages and phone calls that have nothing to do him swinging through at hoe hours to get his rocks off. You deserve to be told you’re beautiful without having to give anything up. You deserve to know that while life without you is possible, he is not interested in that option. You deserve to be treated as more than an object for pleasure.

Chasing emptiness has become routine for you because you don’t understand what it means and what it IS to be whole. You can be whole again. It starts with choosing to believe that you’re worth more than the way you’re being treated.

I know that if you just take the time to search deep down into your soul; past the pain, the hurt, the bad choices, the guilt, shame and tears, you will find that little girl who is waiting patiently just to be told, ‘you are enough’.

Love always,



  1. carleen says:

    Anbel i love and respect you so much…i only wish i could be like are such an amazing person.i know my life is not right and im always lookin for a man to validate me…i try to act like it doesnt matter to me,but a mess.i just want what everyone wants …someone to love that will love me back.i know im goin about it in the wrong way..i just dont know how to stop.i never had the feeling of being loved ..i mean unconditional love…the only
    thing i have ever related love with is really confused right now.i dont want to be alone anymore.i just want a warm body beside wake up with someone to take care of someone.idk…im just lonly
    love you so much.

    • Angel Starr says:

      I love you more! You’re doing perfectly fine! Your desire to change has come and that’s a sure sign of being on your way! God has something so amazing for you and I can’t wait to see the manifestation of all of it in your life! I love you!

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