“Loving yourself has nothing to do with being selfish, self-centered or
self-engrossed. It means that you accept yourself for what you are. Loving
yourself means that you accept responsibility for your own development, growth
and happiness.” Iyanlya Vanzant
Low self-esteem affects so many women, which is a shame because there is
an unbridled amount of beauty and good in each woman. How’s your self-esteem?
Are you struggling? Could you become more confident? Chances are we could all
use a good boost when it comes to holding our head up high and believing
without a shadow of a doubt that we are the business!
Because you are. Do you know what holds you back? What keeps our
esteem low? Your thoughts and beliefs. If you can get to the core of those, you
can skyrocket your esteem to the moon and beyond (sorry, had a Toy Story
moment). If you want to kill the weeds in the garden, baby, you’ve got to pull
those roots. In the same way, if you want your self-confidence to bloom like
wild flowers, you’ve got to get to your thought life. How do we do this?
First, take a good look at your thought life. Girl, I’m talking a real
good look. What kinds of thoughts are you thinking much of the time? Are they positive or
negative? Now weed out those negative thoughts. Take them and replace them with
positive ones that make you feel good about yourself. For example, if you tend
to think, “Nothing ever works out for me.” Scratch that thought. I mean it.
Pull it out completely. Now replace it with, “Things don’t always work out the
way I want, but things are definitely working out for me, because God’s got this!”
This is where you get to take responsibility for your thought life. Your
thoughts become beliefs and your beliefs cause you to act, sometimes a damn
fool!. Get to the root of your actions and plant positive seeds (thoughts) into
your brain and watch the way you see and feel about yourself transform! It’s a
battle in the mind, mama! Handle that!
Yup. It’s true! I am now accepting new clients!
Let’s finish this year exactly as the person God created you to be! We’ll do
some deep work, confront the most broken pieces, tackle your inner broad and
you’ll finally release the story! Stop being stuck. Quit suffering. You’re
everything God says you are! Freedom is knocking, I’m gonna need you to answer that!
To inquire about working with me, email me (email@example.com) or text me @ 317-662-0654!
Angel Thomas is an energetic, enthusiastic and empathetic individual whose wisdom is conveyed with a witty, down-to-earth “real world” edge. She has overcome challenges in her personal life — many of which she shares every detail willingly — and is an expert in human behavior, belief systems and bouncing back from failure. I have worked with Angel and have personally witnessed her ability to guide others through tough times and help them reach beyond their own self-limitations of fear, anxiety, guilt, depression and anger to embrace their destiny through the healing power of forgiveness, love and hard work. I highly recommend Angel Thomas as a Relationship Consultant, not just because she is my cousin, but because I trust her knowledge, confidence and ability to help others work through the hard stuff.
– Raymond Ramsey, Pastor, Teacher and author of “Hearing God’s Voice”
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The beginning of a relationship is so invigorating, exciting, and usually full of romance and love. Falling in love is a time that many people cherish and can’t get enough of, but the reality of relationships is that after a time they begin to simmer down and lose steam. It is after the “honeymoon” phase that intollerable habits are noticed, harsh words may be said, and the desire to be together ALL of the time lessens.
It is quite normal for relationships to change over time and some difficult issues may enter the relationship, like arguments and differences. Many couples adapt to the changes in a healthy manner, but sometimes a couple’s relationship becomes unhealthy.
Sometimes a woman will remain in an unhealthy relationship because she thinks that she can change her partner. She may love him or she may not love him, but she sticks by his side for one reason or another. Some women stick it out for years and years and really never do change their partners and end up spending a lot of years miserable.
The truth of the matter is that a woman cannot change her man. She can only change herself and her behavior or reaction to her partner. Men are different than women and for women to think they can change them to be more like them is a false expectation, setting up for failure. It is true that men can change certain behaviors if they really want to and make the effort, but too many women try and try to change their man to meet their expectations and end up at a loss.
When no change occurs after trying all sorts of tactics to produce change, some women will leave their man, but other women will continue to stay in an unhealthy relationship due to a variety of reasons. Perhaps she is afraid of starting over alone or she feels that her man is hers and no one else can have him. Maybe she is financially dependent upon him or she doesn’t want the kids to have to handle a divorce. Or perhaps she really does believe in her mind that she can somehow help him to change.
Women are master manipulators and some women get it in their minds that they can manipulate a relationship so it is the way she wants. She believes she can control her partner and even her children. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t. When it doesn’t and a woman is unhappy in an unhealthy relationship, the couple need to communicate with each other to try to come to a solution. With openness, communication, and a plan, couples oftentimes get through their differences by either changing or accepting each other’s personalities and idiosyncrasies.
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To have a healthy, committed relationship, couples have to set boundaries, or rules to foster a good relationship. Sometimes these boundaries are set while still in the dating stage, but other times couples discuss them once an exclusive commitment has been mad. Without boundaries in place, conflict in the relationship may arise.
For example, if a man and a woman decide to commit to a relationship, both of them more than likely have friends of the opposite sex. Before the commitment there probably wasn’t a lot of discussion or conflict about hanging out with friends of the opposite sex, but once the relationship is committed to the scenario could change. Many women are not fans of their men hanging out with other women, no matter how long y’all have been ‘cool’ and vice versa. In this case, a discussion needs to take place about each person’s feelings concerning this and boundaries need to be set.
It is also important that a double standard does not apply within your relationship. If he can’t do it, neither can you. It doesn’t matter how much more trust-worthy you are or how you and your male friend have been friends since the 2nd grade and how you don’t look at him in that way. That would be a double standard and that can cause a relationship to be unhealthy.
Healthy boundaries are mandatory in a committed relationship for each person and the relationship to grow. Setting boundaries in relationships mean you are taking responsibility for your part in the relationship. Boundaries draw lines concerning what is permissible in the relationship.
In relationships, you need to realize that it perfectly fine to say no to something that you are uncomfortable with. People with low self-esteem often struggle more with boundaries in a relationship, as they tend to dread conflict so they allow their partner to control the relationship to avoid conflict at all cost. Holding in feelings and emotions due to fear may seem okay on the surface, but over time the relationship will become very unhealthy.
It’s important that you sit down and discuss the boundaries with your partner to squash any concerns, or misunderstandings. This will create order and trust in the relationship. Creating a list of boundaries is a good idea to serve as a reminder for each partner. Periodically you and your partner can re-evaluate the rules and modify as necessary.
Relationships are a beautiful things and rules and boundaries enhance your relationship. Without them there may be confusion, jealousy, anger, and so on. Learning to create boundaries and say no is an important part of your relationship. As conflict arises, couples can discuss the issues surrounding that conflict, such as jealousy, control, or manipulation, and set appropriate boundaries for each particular situation. As couples learn to do this, the level of health in the relationship increases.
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Forgiveness can be one of the most challenging hurdles to cross, but it is necessary on your journey to healing. Often times we get caught up in our own pain that we don’t pay any attention to the possibility of our own freedom. It takes work, but if time is taken, dedication is given and you’re willing to show up – there is freedom for you on the other side of forgiveness.
Click the above image to watch this video that can help you handle healing after forgiveness.
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Ladies, can we please come together and figure out exactly what the hell is going on with side chicks and non-validated women altogether? As a Relationship Coach I want to see women win. I need women to want more for themselves. My work in this world is to help women see that they are enough and they do deserve it all. BUT, as a woman; titles, purpose and service aside, I’m pissed the hell off that women aren’t respecting themselves enough to know when it’s time to say NO MORE. No more will I be your side chick, your night time piece, your bench warmer, booty call or anything else that does not honor who I am.
I am truly sorry that you have grown up not believing that you were worth so much and deserve the world. I hate that your understanding of love has everything to do with what a man thinks, says and does to you and nothing to do with what God says about you. I am so angry that you were not validated from the moment you entered this world. I hate that you’ve found attention, love and acceptance in the sheets of a man who cares nothing about your mind, body, spirit or soul. I hate that you’ve never been held without motives.
You are a woman who deserves a love that is not conditional. You deserve to be introduced to the family and your picture as his screen saver, not locked away in a photo vault app. You deserve to introduce the love of your life to your friends and family and to be treated with respect. You deserve to receive text messages and phone calls that have nothing to do him swinging through at hoe hours to get his rocks off. You deserve to be told you’re beautiful without having to give anything up. You deserve to know that while life without you is possible, he is not interested in that option. You deserve to be treated as more than an object for pleasure.
Chasing emptiness has become routine for you because you don’t understand what it means and what it IS to be whole. You can be whole again. It starts with choosing to believe that you’re worth more than the way you’re being treated.
I know that if you just take the time to search deep down into your soul; past the pain, the hurt, the bad choices, the guilt, shame and tears, you will find that little girl who is waiting patiently just to be told, ‘you are enough’.