Cause I’m Real!

How often do you hear that as an excuse for someone’s disrespectful behavior? Oh My Goodness!  Why would you say that?  Girl, please. I’m real!

*eye roll

People are living in this fantasy world where it is okay to speak what is on your mind, say how you feel and treat people as you please because, get this, you’re so real!

As a Coach, I have had the honor of working with people, women in particular, supporting their healing in the most painful spaces, deepest wounds and highest walls they hide behind. I’ve had the pleasure of hearing people’s hearts and been given the opportunity to help them create shifts and provide HOPE. One thing I have learned from this is that there is a definite difference between ‘being real’ and authenticity.

‘I’m real’ has become the excuse for not taking care of necessary inner work, which causes the pain to leak through the mouth and wound others.

Speaking without a filter or a lack of compassion toward another person’s feelings is not about ‘being real’ it’s being an unkind and hurtful person.

Every time I hear someone declare, ‘this is just me, I’m real’, I automatically think they’re hiding something, because let’s be honest – the cliché has been ran through the mud so much and there’s no truth in it.

You’re real? Nice to meet you, heffa. I’m authentic! 

There’s a lot you can lose when you choose to be authentically you. You lose your pride, you lose your walls, you lose your excuses and you possibly lose people. But, there’s so much more to gain! When you stop ‘being real’ and begin living authentically, you no longer have to be the broken pieces AND the glue. You don’t have to pretend to have it all together anymore. You’re given the luxury of being on a faith walk instead of a constant strategizing session.

You don’t have to constantly figure out what you have to do to make sure people know you’re ‘being real’ instead of a hurting human in need of a hug.

It’s okay to let the walls down. It doesn’t mean you have to trust everyone from the jump or hand over your whole heart, but it is an opportunity to be yourself in the process of healing, growing and learning without the pressures of being someone you’re not to hide the someone that needs healing.

 

 

 

COVER HER

“If you heal one woman, you heal all women.” Iyanlya Vanzant
Growing up I was such a tomboy! You could either find me on the basketball court, or playing football with all the dirt ball boys outside! I was always in a tree or crawling under a fence (because I never wanted to get my skin pushed back by scrapping over the top and I wasn’t smooth enough to just jump over!) NO matter the day, I was with my friends, mostly guys and doing something crazy. As I got older, my desires changed and so did my circle. I’m still very close to a few guy friends, but I welcome, with open arms, the friendship of women. I’ve noticed a lot of women do not.

How many times have you met a woman and first thing outta her mouth, ‘I don’t hang with females, they’re too much drama, or they don’t like me or they’re not trustworthy?’
As my relationships with these women began to deepen and flourish I started asking questions. Why don’t you hang out with other women? Why do you want to be in a group of only men? What do you really have against other women?

| Can I be honest? I can’t deal with the clingy, overly emotional, always jumping to conclusions parts of women – but that’s not ALL women, and sometimes that’s ALL me! |

And through all of this curiosity, the same things started rising; insecurity, betrayal, unforgiveness, resent. Who would’ve guessed? All of these amazing women who were missing out on potentially life altering relatonsihps with other women because of their unhappiness within themselves and with other women who have cut them so deeply.
I was very surprised. That wasn’t one of my struggles – I’ve never been so deeply hurt by another woman that I’ve decided to throw any future friendship out the window. But I struggle with gossip. I struggle with insecurity at times, I struggle with trusting after betrayal and occassionally I give the side eye to another woman who has done absolutely nothing to me because I’m not feeling my best on a certain day.

But don’t mind me, I’m just being transparent. 

But I wanted more, and every day I strive for me. And I know that my friends, your friends and YOU want more. You don’t want to sit in pain and miss out on amazing friendships with other women, because let’s be honest; we’re pretty awesome! This is why I created Cover Her ™

 Cover Her™ is a community for women who know their worth, who want healing, amazing friendships and ready to be whole. A place where women are challenged to dig deep into their souls and confront the most broken pieces, forgiving the most unforgivable and releasing the story that is causing you to remain stuck in your pain.

Facing your pain with boldness and expectation will create powerful shifts in your life that will lead to healing and God-freedom that exceeds anything you’ve ever imagined!

 Cover your sisters, meet women who will cover you, dig deep, discover your power and conquer your world!

This is going to be an epic ride, and I want you to be a part of it! As Cover Her ™ flourishes we will begin to hold more events to bring all of us together! I am so super excited!

If you’re ready to be a part of Cover Her ™, click here to join the conversation on Facebook while our little big spot on the world wide web is being decorated :)

 

REGISTRATION FOR THE VERY FIRST COVER HER EVENT IS NOW OPEN!

You do not have to be bound to your past. What happened to you is not an indicator of who you can become! It happened, yes. But you are completely capable of forgiving, letting go and being more!

Make a choice.

Today I choose to no longer be attached to and held captive by the things that happened to me. I am making a choice to tell my story in a way that will catapult me into my next!

Visit here to grab your front row seat now! 

*THIS IS A LIVE EVENT HELD IN SOUTHERN INDIANA

 

Allow your self-confidence to bloom like wild flowers

“Loving yourself has nothing to do with being selfish, self-centered or
self-engrossed. It means that you accept yourself for what you are. Loving
yourself means that you accept responsibility for your own development, growth
and happiness.” Iyanlya Vanzant

Low self-esteem affects so many women, which is a shame because there is
an unbridled amount of beauty and good in each woman. How’s your self-esteem?
Are you struggling? Could you become more confident? Chances are we could all
use a good boost when it comes to holding our head up high and believing
without a shadow of a doubt that we are the business!

Because you are. Do you know what holds you back? What keeps our
esteem low? Your thoughts and beliefs. If you can get to the core of those, you
can skyrocket your esteem to the moon and beyond (sorry, had a Toy Story
moment). If you want to kill the weeds in the garden, baby, you’ve got to pull
those roots. In the same way, if you want your self-confidence to bloom like
wild flowers, you’ve got to get to your thought life. How do we do this?

First, take a good look at your thought life. Girl, I’m talking a real
good look. What kinds of thoughts are you thinking much of the time? Are they positive or
negative? Now weed out those negative thoughts. Take them and replace them with
positive ones that make you feel good about yourself. For example, if you tend
to think, “Nothing ever works out for me.” Scratch that thought. I mean it.
Pull it out completely. Now replace it with, “Things don’t always work out the
way I want, but things are definitely working out for me, because God’s got this!”

This is where you get to take responsibility for your thought life. Your
thoughts become beliefs and your beliefs cause you to act, sometimes a damn
fool!. Get to the root of your actions and plant positive seeds (thoughts) into
your brain and watch the way you see and feel about yourself transform! It’s a
battle in the mind, mama! Handle that!

Yup. It’s true! I am now accepting new clients!

Let’s finish this year exactly as the person God created you to be! We’ll do
some deep work, confront the most broken pieces, tackle your inner broad and
you’ll finally release the story! Stop being stuck. Quit suffering. You’re
everything God says you are! Freedom is knocking, I’m gonna need you to answer that!

To inquire about working with me, email me (angelslthomas@yahoo.com) or text me @ 317-662-0654!

Angel Thomas is an energetic, enthusiastic and empathetic individual whose wisdom is conveyed with a witty, down-to-earth “real world” edge. She has overcome challenges in her personal life — many of which she shares every detail willingly — and is an expert in human behavior, belief systems and bouncing back from failure. I have worked with Angel and have personally witnessed her ability to guide others through tough times and help them reach beyond their own self-limitations of fear, anxiety, guilt, depression and anger to embrace their destiny through the healing power of forgiveness, love and hard work. I highly recommend Angel Thomas as a Relationship Consultant, not just because she is my cousin, but because I trust her knowledge, confidence and ability to help others work through the hard stuff.

– Raymond Ramsey, Pastor, Teacher and author of “Hearing God’s Voice”

Why Do Women Think They Can Change Men?

The beginning of a relationship is so invigorating, exciting, and usually full of romance and love.  Falling in love is a time that many people cherish and can’t get enough of, but the reality of relationships is that after a time they begin to simmer down and lose steam.  It is after the “honeymoon” phase that intollerable habits are noticed, harsh words may be said, and the desire to be together ALL of the time lessens.

It is quite normal for relationships to change over time and some difficult issues may enter the relationship, like arguments and differences.  Many couples adapt to the changes in a healthy manner, but sometimes a couple’s relationship becomes unhealthy.

Sometimes a woman will remain in an unhealthy relationship because she thinks that she can change her partner.  She may love him or she may not love him, but she sticks by his side for one reason or another.  Some women stick it out for years and years and really never do change their partners and end up spending a lot of years miserable.

The truth of the matter is that a woman cannot change her man.  She can only change herself and her behavior or reaction to her partner.  Men are different than women and for women to think they can change them to be more like them is a false expectation, setting up for failure.  It is true that men can change certain behaviors if they really want to and make the effort, but too many women try and try to change their man to meet their expectations and end up at a loss.

When no change occurs after trying all sorts of tactics to produce change, some women will leave their man, but other women will continue to stay in an unhealthy relationship due to a variety of reasons. Perhaps she is afraid of starting over alone or she feels that her man is hers and no one else can have him. Maybe she is financially dependent upon him or she doesn’t want the kids to have to handle a divorce.  Or perhaps she really does believe in her mind that she can somehow help him to change.

Women are master manipulators and some women get it in their minds that they can manipulate a relationship so it is the way she wants. She believes she can control her partner and even her children.  Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t.  When it doesn’t and a woman is unhappy in an unhealthy relationship, the couple need to communicate with each other to try to come to a solution.  With openness, communication, and a plan, couples oftentimes get through their differences by either changing or accepting each other’s personalities and idiosyncrasies.

 

Rules + Relationships

To have a healthy, committed relationship, couples have to set boundaries, or rules to foster a good relationship.  Sometimes these boundaries are set while still in the dating stage, but other times couples discuss them once an exclusive commitment has been mad.  Without boundaries in place, conflict in the relationship may arise.

For example, if a man and a woman decide to commit to a relationship, both of them more than likely have friends of the opposite sex.  Before the commitment there probably wasn’t a lot of discussion or conflict about hanging out with friends of the opposite sex, but once the relationship is committed to the scenario could change.  Many women are not fans of their men hanging out with other women, no matter how long y’all have been ‘cool’ and vice versa.  In this case, a discussion needs to take place about each person’s feelings concerning this and boundaries need to be set.

It is also important that a double standard does not apply within your relationship.  If he can’t do it, neither can you. It doesn’t matter how much more trust-worthy you are or how you and your male friend have been friends since the 2nd grade and how you don’t look at him in that way. That would be a double standard and that can cause a relationship to be unhealthy.

Healthy boundaries are mandatory in a committed relationship for each person and the relationship to grow.  Setting boundaries in relationships mean you are taking responsibility for your part in the relationship.  Boundaries draw lines concerning what is permissible in the relationship.

In relationships, you need to realize that it perfectly fine to say no to something that you are uncomfortable with.  People with low self-esteem often struggle more with boundaries in a relationship, as they tend to dread conflict so they allow their partner to control the relationship to avoid conflict at all cost.  Holding in feelings and emotions due to fear may seem okay on the surface, but over time the relationship will become very unhealthy.

It’s important that you sit down and discuss the boundaries with your partner to squash any concerns, or misunderstandings. This will create order and trust in the relationship.  Creating a list of boundaries is a good idea to serve as a reminder for each partner. Periodically you and your partner can re-evaluate the rules and modify as necessary.

Relationships are a beautiful things and rules and boundaries enhance your relationship.  Without them there may be confusion, jealousy, anger, and so on.  Learning to create boundaries and say no is an important part of your relationship.  As conflict arises, couples can discuss the issues surrounding that conflict, such as jealousy, control, or manipulation, and set appropriate boundaries for each particular situation. As couples learn to do this, the level of health in the relationship increases.

 

 

 

Healing After Forgiveness (video)

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Forgiveness can be one of the most challenging hurdles to cross, but it is necessary on your journey to healing. Often times we get caught up in our own pain that we don’t pay any attention to the possibility of our own freedom. It takes work, but if time is taken, dedication is given and you’re willing to show up – there is freedom for you on the other side of forgiveness.

Click the above image to watch this video that can help you handle healing after forgiveness.